Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My dick has a subreddit
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
