just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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