dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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