Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
