I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
And the cops told us we were all naked.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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