I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
