She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
