overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My penis needs a shock collar
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
