oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
