I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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