i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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