my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
