The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
