AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
