dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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