We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
