the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
