the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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