Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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