so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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