so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
