Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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