nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
