i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
