I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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