i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
