I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
