i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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