did you get engaged???
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
