I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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