Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
