the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
