some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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