Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
