he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
