there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
