She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
