The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
