do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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