.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
