is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
