if i can run in heels then i can drive
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
