You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
