Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
