Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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