I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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