Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
