guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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