I showed him my bush... on skype.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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