The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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