chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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