That's when you crack a 10am beer
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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