I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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