Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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