Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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