Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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