what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Someone shattered a urinal.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
