If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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