I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
