can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
