OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
