at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
