My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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