It's like God shit irony all over that family
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
