you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
