Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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