My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
