Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize