my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
