yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize