Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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