Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
