smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
