Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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