chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize