It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
