Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
