I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
