Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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