So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
