I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You know, be my cock's hype man.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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