So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
