Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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