i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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