i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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