We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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