smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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