I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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