I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
