I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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