and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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