I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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