My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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