Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
