My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
