So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
