Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
