last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
