Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
