He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So squirting runs in the family.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
