just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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