why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
