I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
