I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
