so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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