He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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