In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
