god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
