Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
