I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
