mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
