Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
