i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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