We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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