I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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