1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
