smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't deserve a penis
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
