I wish my penis had an off switch
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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